Microfilms and quick bread
For the newly-fritzed attention span.
On the one hand, Quibi (a startup streaming service for bite-size videos) was a wicked experiment hedging on Americans’ sorry excuse of an attention span. But if it successfully demonstrated the people’s appetite for ad-length content, then Quibi might’ve proven useful for film school grads. They could’ve gotten better mileage out of their thesis shorts, meant to serve as calling cards for future features. The abbreviated movies of Quibi are solely viewable on mobile devices (though that’s being fixed now) and Katzenberg has blamed its failure on the coronavirus pandemic, which has rendered the subway moot for many commuters — but still available for spilling milk apparently. This too in service of a blip of a movie.
I recently filed a review for a short, which kicked off a micro-film watching spree. These brief cinematic encounters, I quickly realized, are extremely good at holding my newly-fritzed attention. The internet is stock full of them, and not just the streaming sites. Here are a few gems, none of them Quibi.
The Hardest Working Cat in Show Biz
Old timey voice: The case of the uncredited tabby! Sofia Bohdanowicz’s documentary in miniature is about the travails of good old fashioned research. It adapts critic/filmmaker Dan Salitt’s essay about Orangey the cat, who (supposedly) acted alongside Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany’s, among others. (Released just last month on Vimeo)
The Short and Curlies
A love story between a shopgirl who swaps out her hair every twenty four hours and a mannish boy (or boyish man? the young David Thewlis) who speaks in dad jokes. A 17-minute intro to Mike Leigh’s blaringly idiosyncratic humor set in the Thatcherite world. (Criterion Channel)
The Staggering Girl
Luca Guadagnino has at last found a place to hang his very fine hat in this collaboration with Valentino, unleashing the deeply sartorial film-making prowess evident in all his films, most recently the remake of Suspiria, which also prized fabric, movement, and a mysterious woman. The film roughly pictorializes the story of a woman (Julianne Moore) who can’t go home again because she’s haunted by the past and her mother. But home is in Italy and her mother an affluent painter, so it is mostly 35 minutes dedicated to vaunting Valentino— taffeta and tulle gowns in shades of bougainvillea and seductively upscale bubblegum, aquamarine drop earrings, a natty spring suit worn by Kyle MacLachlan — and sumptuous European backrops— heavy wooden doors, empty piazza steps, and the Italian dusk, none of we can experience in person right now. (Mubi — one month free with this link)
Victor in Paradise
This short stars Nicholas Braun aka Cousin Greg from Succession. I was going to end it there, but Buddy Duress, glorious non-actor/former Riker's Island inmate from Safdie Brother’s Good Time also gamely makes an appearance. (Le Cinema Club)
Biscuits, the antithesis to sourdough
If you don’t have time or patience (or yeast) for sourdough, try your hand at biscuits. I originally made them because I was blessed with the magical and coveted self-rising White Lily Flour (my mother accidentally bought it because it was the only flour available upstate). But you don’t need it, especially now. Biscuits are the opposite of needy, asking for little and giving a lot in return. The less you handle them the better to achieve that soft and buttery crumb.
Easy pantry biscuits
From NYTimes Cooking, mostly untouched because Melissa Clark is perfect.
1 ½ cups flour
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon sugar
1 teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon baking powder
1 stick of butter (chilled until ready to use; unsalted!)
A pat of melted butter for brushing
¾ cup of buttermilk or other milk, dairy, or non-dairy + lemon juice
Makes 6 biscuits. (I like the small yield; prevents oversnacking and forces you to make them fresh, which is simple enough)
Heat oven to 425. You might be done before it’s preheated, if you’re doing this right or your oven is slow.
Stir all the dry ingredients in a bowl.
Cut the butter into slender slices, about ¼ inch thin, and add them to the bowl. Smush them between your fingers until they become flattened into multiple discs. You want to end up with what looks like a bowl of floury butter flakes (because it is a bowl of floury butter flakes). Don’t over do it.
Stir in the milk, a little at a time, until you get a soft, sticky dough. Turn it onto a floured surface and knead only a few times until it comes together. (I am always afraid of overworking dough, but it turned out okay.)
Pat into a rectangle about ½ inch thick. Brush it with melted butter or milk, if available. Fold dough onto itself so it’s an inch thick, and brush with more melted butter. Less optional — this helps it brown and gives it that nice sheen.
Cut them into squares. (They don’t have to be perfect, but if you’re a perfectionist know that they won’t transform or rise much in the oven. What you cut is what you get.)
Bake them on a greased pan for 12-18 minutes. (15 worked for me)
Great the next morning, less grand the day after that. So eat them at once.