Romance is boring

Make an onion tart. Valentine's Day movies.

My thoughts on a few Hallmark holiday-adjacent movies, including some recent mainstream ones that don’t comprise my normal viewing. Also, a few rejiggered desserts.

SHORT TAKES

Two solid entries in the romance canon that personally did not my heart but may twist and shatter yours.

• Plunge into the ruinous depths of high school love and watch it crumble in BLUE VALENTINE, starring two tabloid appointed-hotties of the oughteens. Count it wisdom (or cynicism) that rather than feeling moved by the seminal romantic drama of my generation, I was left embarassed and ashamed of high school era relationship decisions.

• Another take on romantic dissolution: COLD WAR. Shot in crisp and fashionable black-and-white photography, the Hungarian film about ill-fated lovers recalls Manhattan with a flair of La La Land if it were actually good. Sadly neither this nor Pawel Pawikowski’s much-heralded previous feature get my goat. Excellent on paper, but in reality something is amiss. I’m sure watching it under pandemic circumstances with daily distractions didn’t help.

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WHAT HAPPENED WAS

Tom Noonan, 1994

Impressed by this newly restored directorial debut from the lanky and laconic actor Tom Noonan, best known for playing himself on Horace and Pete and a serial killer in Michael Mann’s “Red Dragon” adaptation. He casts himself in a prickly role opposite Karen Silas as two co-workers on a date — which he didn’t even realize it was, so he claims, even though she put on a dress, set the table, and served scallops in cream sauce reheated in the microwave. The conversational vibes are early Linklater, the spacious studio apartment and decor lighting recalls Tom DiCillo set-up, but what happens — the balletic synergy of polite smiles and lowered eyelids, unintentional barbs and unexpected endearments, and the magnanimous truth about all the lonely people is all Noonan’s own. Highly recommend shelling out $10 to watch it via Film Forum where it’s currently screening.

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SLEEPING WITH OTHER PEOPLE

Lesley Hedlund, 2015